none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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