he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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