You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's blow job season.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
