I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
