Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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