Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
