umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
