I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
