you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
