Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
