Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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