There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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