I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
