I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
