May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
