I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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