So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
