Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
COCAINE IS GR8
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
