funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
