...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
