btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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