i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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