I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
