If that was your dad, he is hot
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
