I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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