I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
No subtext here. People are naked.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
