And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
