I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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