You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
