I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
