i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
