I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
