I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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