I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
