Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
