just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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