Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
