I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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