remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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