So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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