You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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