Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
