my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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