When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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