please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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