I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
