I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You made out with two different species that night
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize