My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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