Christians are straight up FREAKS
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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