this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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