You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
