i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My pussy is not your playground.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
