i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
