Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
