Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
