if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
