Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
