She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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