party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
