my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
