I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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