and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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