She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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